SO what happened was...
It’s been awhile. I haven’t checked in, I know. I sort of checked out on every platform actually. According to my last entry FOCUS was my word for 2022, and I really tried to focus. I spent the year working on my health, getting appointments and routines down to keep my Rheumatoid and Fibro under control. By the end of last summer I felt like maybe I had my body under control again and I was just doing things that made me happy. I was ready to get back to work, picking away at plotlines and stories I hadn’t finished. Of course the end of the year became hectic with holiday things, so I told myself with the new year I’d be given a fresh start to conquer the chaos.
Unfortunately that thing I'd been avoiding like the plague (you know, the actual plague) hit me. Covid invaded our house for the first time and knocked us down pretty hard, although I’m grateful it wasn’t worse and nobody ended up hospitalized, it still set me back a long way with my goals. Even months later my body is struggling. Struggling against brain fog, muscle pain, and fatigue. My writing is at a snails pace, I lose my words so easily, and my sewing is collecting dust while being scattered across the table.
Some days It leaves me feeling like I never made any headway at all against my disease. I know my fellow chronic illness fighters will completely understand this post, and will recognize their own struggles in it. Struggles that are completely valid.
Swimming through the sea of social media I am often reminded that I am not surrounded by people living the same struggles as I am, the invisible illnesses are holding strong to their title. It doesn’t always bother me, I know everyone lives a different life, but it has me thinking a lot about the things we hold as standard and how they can make us outliers feel like we’re performing sub par, even in things we tell ourselves we’re doing ‘just for fun’. In order to exercise (or maybe exorcise) my brain I’ve come up with a plan. I want to share more openly about living (and writing) with a chronic illness. Maybe it will help someone else out there in their fight.
No spoons left, only a pen.