It's my favorite time of year, in spirit at least. I love the spooky season vibes. The cold rainy part of Fall, not so much. I do enjoy being curled up in lots of layers with a cozy drink though, so I guess it evens out.
The kid's are all back to school, emphasis on the ALL. That's right, I HAVE FREE TIME! I've not had alone time at home in years. At first, in September, I was so overwhelmed by it (and the anxiety of just everything) that I went into rest and recover mode. I did absolutely nothing, no reading, no writing. I needed it though, and I highly recommend it.
In October I got a lot of my energy back, minus a few bad weather flair ups. I binged lots of movies, have been working on reading the back log of books stashed on my kindle, and plotted my return to some writing projects. I'm semi-prepared to NANOWRIMO too.
And finally, even more of a boost of motivation (and a kick in the ass to impostor syndrome) is the release of Don't Break the Oath - Women of Horror Volume 4 from Kandisha Press, featuring a story of mine titled "An Agreement". I was beyond excited to get this story acceptance, I love all the Women of Horror volumes, and I can't wait for people to read this story. It's available everywhere today!
Here is the link: books2read.com/brokenoath
Happy haunting today guys and I'll see you on the other side!
It took multiple attempts to put together this blog post. It first came to me as a result of not having posted one at all. I'd set the task on one of my many to-do lists “post a blog update" and without fail, I'd see it, tell myself I should really do that and then completely let it go. I've done it so many times now I almost felt the need to just post "Sorry, my brain is out of order" It feels like a pretty good excuse. I make excuses like it often. "Sorry, it slipped my mind. Sorry, I had so much going on. Sorry, I was just too tired." But what I really mean underneath all of it is “Sorry, I'm sort of sick.” Chronically ill. Under the weather. Indisposed.
I suffer from an inflammatory arthritis condition, as well as fibromyalgia. They've plagued me for years, since my teens. But I still don’t always have a handle on it, there are a lot of things that make the struggle harder.
I'm “too young”
I "don't look sick"
“Other people have it worse”
It's difficult sometimes, especially while connecting with others over social media to be surrounded by people with so much motivation and energy. They always seem ready and busy. The writers are always on about writing every day, how easy it is to MAKE the time for it, that you keep on hustling nonstop. For someone chronically ill, that just doesn't always work.
I have responsibilities that eat up a lot of energy, and sometimes I can't get a break. When your body is in revolt and you don't give it the rest it wants, every part of you suffers. Including the parts that just wanted a few minutes to create something. I have insomnia, I'm awake well past the time I want to be, but those are not productive hours for me at all. I'm fatigued often. My body will tense and ache if I try to sit too long, or just because it's a bad day. I often get migraines. But it’s also the brain fog that can be the biggest nightmare. There're days where I take twice the effort to speak to a person because I've suddenly forgotten half the English language, let alone where my sentences were supposed to be going. How am I supposed to work or write if I can’t focus my brain? Days like that scare me, make me wonder if I'll lose my focus so badly I won't manage to write anything again.
So I take breaks, step back, try to breathe and forgive myself. Not that there's anything to forgive, not everyone is built the same. We struggle differently. So your writing advice might not work for me. I work slowly, intermittently. This is how it goes. So don’t mind me over here forgetting to post things, or giving vague updates on my work in progress. I set my goals and then trip on my way there and I guess that's okay, maybe we're even on the same track. Chronically ill writers of the world, I see you.
Life has been a doozy around here the last two months. Actually, I'm really not sure doozy is a strong enough word... rollercoaster, runaway train, shitstorm maybe?
Of course, I know almost all of us are probably stuck on the same ride together, strapped in, and unable to get off. I feel for you all, I really do. I raise my sixth cup of coffee to you and promise to add an extra shot of booze to the next one.
The herd of wild raccoons that are my children (actual human children, I promise I'm not hoarding trash pandas) have been busy destroying the house with all their new stuff from Christmas and making me want to bang my head off the table with their schoolwork. We're still doing distance learning in this house and although the oldest doesn't need much prompting beyond the reminder to actually get up and put clothes on before class, the younger one basically needs his hand held ALL DAY LONG.
Can I add part-time Kindergarten teacher to my resume after this?
Needless to say, we are all very impatiently awaiting the arrival of Summer vacation. The chance to escape our house, enjoy the (hopefully quickly approaching) Michigan sunshine, and of course NO MORE SCHOOL. Seriously, I thought I was done with this kind of schedule.
Summer also brings me, personally, the freedom to get much more in-depth with my story writing. More uninterrupted hours of the day means my brain can jump into the setting and walk alongside my characters. After recent job trouble, financial worries, and general pandemic style anxiety - Writing is always a very welcome distraction. There are a lot of projects swimming around in my head right now and I'm also working on a few things that will hopefully improve things around here in the long run.
Brew another cup, have a stretch, and let's do this.